I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
