Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
