he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
