Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
if you like me you must not know who I am
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
