There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
