It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
