I'm going to jail i love you
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
We had to coat check the pizza.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
