and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
