I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
