Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
