but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
