hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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