you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
