I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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