No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
