I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize