she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
