around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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