I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
