Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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