My sheets look like a crime scene.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
