TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
