you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
