You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
