Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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