if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
