need another drink. this is the easiest way
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
