We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
