put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
