When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
