I am in a vortex of obligation.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
