Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Randomize
