I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
