It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Someone stole a lamp last night.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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