she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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