He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize