so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
