the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
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