WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize