hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
