I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
