Got a toothbrush?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
as a side note pls kill me
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
