I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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