I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
