I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Randomize
