WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
