I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize