um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
