the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
