The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
