The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
My vagina is officially offended.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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