Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
