Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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