Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
