My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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