There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
