You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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