Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
