Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
