WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
