i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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