they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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