Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
