Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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