no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
