i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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