Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
