True but thats because hes a fetus.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
